next chapter...

It breaks my heart, more than a little...to admit that the chapter that this blog has filled in my life has come to a close...when I got pregnant last year with Lila, I promised and promised myself that my close relationship with Joseph would not change, not ever. But change it has, just by the unstoppable force of life change. I love him just as I ever did...more even of course, but as we've added in another PERSON to our family, relationships must shift and grow to accomodate the changes.

When I dug out the plastic bins from the basement containing Joseph's baby clothes, I sorted through the clothes, picking out what might work for the new baby. We 'knew' we were having a girl, and and we did. When I was pregnant with Joseph, we'd decided not to find out what the gender of the baby was, so, as a result, I had alot of unisex newborn clothes. But as I sorted through those clothes, deciding what she might need, I found myself setting aside onesies, pajamas, sweaters...things that would be perfectly suitable for this new baby, and setting them aside in a special box to be put away. You see, I only wanted to remember Joseph in those clothes. I remember snuggling his little body in that pair of striped pajamas. I remember lifting him out of the Bjorn in that sweater. I don't want those memories to be jarred by another little body being in them. As it turned out, I had more than enough clothes for Lila as friends and family were generous with gifts and hand-me-downs...but I'm sure I won't be sharing all of her clothes for the next friend who has a girl...she'll have her own special box.

This blog was all about Joseph and a few tidbits about our life, my life, besides. This is the special box that I don't want to share with the new baby. The new baby...Lila...will have her box, one that also contains Joseph, me, Clay, and some other wonderful tidbits from our life.

This blog had also been sorely railroaded by Facebook...stories and quotes, easy to 'jot' down there, didn't make it to this venue. So, in honor of the closing of this chapter...I give you "Joseph Quotes".

Be sure to check out the next chapter..."My Heart is Made of Nectar" in honor of one of his best quotes. http://nectarheart.squarespace.com/

July 16, 2010 "I wish I was blue paint that could paint the sky."

July 10, 2010 Me: "Joseph how do you feel in your heart" (he was acting sad). Joseph: "It feels like I caught a bug in my heart and it's a bee and he thinks my heart is nectar."

June 26, 2020 "Why do you have to go back to work in the Fall?" Me, "to make money for our family." Joseph "So our roof doesn't fall off of our heads?"

June 12, 2010 "I am an expert at many things, like groupers, and boats and signs."

June 4, 2010 "Mama, is that the night over there where Asia is?"

April 28, 2010 (big date gap in FB and quotes due to me being morning sick for 9 months and my Dad getting really sick) "Thank you for the world so sweet, thank you God for Baba Peet."

Sept. 1, 2009 Clay, "You know Jos, you just peed in your leather cowboy boots." Joseph, "I know, just toss them in the washer and clean them up."

Aug 30, 2009 "I have a gentlemen's body, right?"

Aug 27, 2009 In response to being hot, "I need some cold moisture in mine body."

Aug 21, 2009 "When is this frog going to burn off?"

Aug 18, 2009 ‎'i'm gonna put my boots on, and my chappers, and my vest, and my hat and my purse, and ride out into the distance.'

Aug 17, 2009 "I hope the squirrels don't put me in mud and throw grass on me...and then eat me up for their breakfast pie."

Aug. 6, 2009 "Mama, you don't have to work so hard. Just work a little bit."

Aug 5, 2009 "WHERE are my sisters...Alice, Lila, and Iris?!"

Aug 3, 2009 dinner conversation tonight: J: are you a human? ME: yes J: a human girl? ME: yes, are you a human? J: no, I'm a man...well actually I'm a boy, but I'm becoming a man. Oh, and then he went on to tell me how our cat, Girl Cat, is going to become smaller and will then turn into a baby, and then she'll be Joseph's cousin and he'll give the baby to Aunt Malia!...

Aug 1, 2009 Clay: "What should we have for dinner tonight?" Joseph: "Some meat, and a little sister for me."

July 30, 2009 me: apologizing for being in the store too long and leaving Clay and Joseph in the heat of the parking lot. joseph: "don't be sorry, you didn't do anything wrong...mama, you're the best mama in no-where-land."

July 28, 2009 "Mama, I don't think that is going to work (as I put his milk cup on a firm couch pillow), you need to put that on a hard surface."

July 26, 2009 "Daddy, can you not do that? I don't want you to put me on the naughty step just because I put my saddle in the oven."

July 22, 2009 "I love the world and I'm not afraid of anything." later..."Mama, don't be impressed of me."...later still...seeing Gretchen and Andre at the Greenwood Streetfair, "Hey Andre, you like my boots?"...to Gretchen, "What's in your purse?"

Mar. 29, 2009 Cupping an earthworm tightly in his fists and whispering to it …”I am going to name you Jessamyn, and I am going to keep you always.”

Feb. 22, 2009 "I love you Aunt Camio."

Dec. 29th, 2008 "Here you go Mister Bunny. Here you go." (serving tea to Mister Bunny)

Dec 26, 2008 "I'm gonna make sumthin' for you mama."

Dec. 22, 2008 "When you wake, you shall have all the pretty little ponies. When you wake, you'll have a parrot in your eye, and the parrot try to bite you! Yay!" "Way down yonder in the meadow, poor little baby cryin Mama. Apples and bees flutter in his eyes..."

Dec. 10, 2008 "Christmas is not about love and peace. It is about candy. For me."

Dec. 7, 2008 "You play the bomb (guitar) I play the drums."

Nov. 22, 2008 "The horse pooped on the soap."

Summer Tomatoes!

A bumper crop of Heirloom Tomatoes this year!

the white fly incident

The other day I was innocently taking our food waste bucket out to the yard waste bin, and when I lifted the lid, a huge swarm of white flies came rushing out. I unfortunately inhaled simultaneously as this event was occuring and must have swallowed several flies! Joseph, who was behind me, was very concerned that I was hacking and coughing. When I regained my composure, I assured him I was fine.

A few minutes later I was in the bathroom sipping water to make the offending flies make their way down, and I happened then to also sit on the toilet to pee. Joseph walked in (we need to work on the knocking/privacy thing), and waited for me to finish. As I was flushing, he ran over to the toilet and peeped in..."Where is it?" he wondered, thinking the white fly had run it's course and must be swirling in the bowl..."Why didn't you poop it out?"

Joseph's First Unders

When my mom potty trained me, she bribed me with 'silky unders'. I thought to myself, what is Joseph's equivalent to silky unders?...COWBOY UNDERS! Oh, whoops, they do not make toddler cowboy underpants. Enter the Iron-On Mama (me)...am I going to Mama Hell for ironing on "Mudflap Cowgirls" onto my son's skivvies? Needless to say, he loves them...I'll post the ones with the two horseshoes on the butt next time...or maybe the ones with Johnny Cash's mugshots.

Letters to Joseph-December 2007

Dear Joseph:
Christmastime is so fun with you…visiting the Reindeer at Baba Peet’s nursery, putting up the tree, shopping.
We’ve been painting with water colors and having lots of fun.
On Christmas eve, while we were waiting for Santa to come…in the middle of the night (and this is ironic since in last month’s letter I said you hardly ever through up)…you started throwing up! You’d wake up, get sick, we’d change the sheets (you still sleep in our bed at night) and you’d do it again…we changed the sheets 3 times. Christmas morning we were all so tired…but it was still magical.
A side note about our sleeping arrangements…as you know by now, I do things a little differently than some people do…I just do what works for us, and what works for us, what gets us all the most sleep and closeness, is to have you sleep in our bed. I miss you so much during the day while I’m at work, that it would be really hard to be away from you at night too. We don’t seem to keep each other up and we hold you all night long…you can nurse if you need to and I love it. I know it won’t be like this forever…you’ll eventually move to your own bed of course, so I’m appreciating it while I can.
The week after Christmas we all go really sick…we all laid around for days…but in the middle of it, Uncle Eugene called and invited us to come visit New York for Auntie Allison’s baby shower for the twin boys…so we’re planning a trip for January!
Love, Mama

Letters to Joseph-November 2007

Dear Joseph:
There are beginning to be moments, when you seem like such a little boy to me, and not so much a baby. I’ve never ‘babied’ you in my own eyes at least…some might beg to differ…but I’ve always dressed you in pants and tops (hip ones I think), not pj’s all day and such…but there’s just something different now…you ride the push car Ama gave you for your birthday, you play the guitar, you use words and are SO smart, no one can believe you are just over 1. Dr. Danielson was so impressed at your one year checkup with your animal sounds and communication…a lot of signing (thank you, please, more) and body language, along with duck, moo, cat, hi, mama…and much more!
We went up to the cabin a couple of times this month, once with Emily and Chris, whom you love and once with Gretchen and Andre. You almost never throw up, but one night in the cabin with Chris and Emily, you were eating a lot of cheese and dip, Emily said ‘Is he maybe eating a little too much cheese?” and in the next moment you threw up on the both of them. They were good sports and we all laughed about it.
Thanksgiving was fun…I baked a cake for Baba Pete’s (Grandpa Steve’s) birthday that was about as dense as a canon ball, but what else is new…I try and try to bake, and nothing ever comes out. Anyway, you and Henry really love each other and always hug.
Love, Mama

Letters to Joseph-October 2007

Dear Joseph:
Pumpkin patch visit! You…Picasso, Me Dora Marr, Dad, a painting!
Lots of fun Halloween stuff!
Chris and Camille came and visited us this month…we ate down at Lowell’s in the Market, walked around, made dinner at home and just had lots of fun.
Your such a little squishy pudge wudgey…and smart and fun and sweet!
You are getting into music big time…you LOVE the guitar and call it the ‘bomb’…for the bum bum sound it makes. Uncle Chris and Aunt Camille brought you a harmonica and you LOVE to play it. You also like to hear ring tones from my cell phone…you become very demanding if I don’t play them over and over.
I’m noticing you asserting your independence much more these days…you are getting squirmy in restaurants, and are looking to get your way as much as possible!
Love, Mama

Letters to Joseph September 2007

Dear Joseph:
We celebrated your first birthday this month! I can’t believe a year has gone by…your growing and learning has been amazing. Your party was so fun…I made you a cake that had a big purple star on the front and we had lots and lots of friends and family over to celebrate. It was a beautiful September day and we all stayed outside and played. You got so many fun presents. You cried a little, being a bit overwhelmed by the cake, etc., but I think you had fun!
We went to Sun Lakes and Bumbershoot too! All so fun! Row boating, fishing, fun. At Bumbershoot we listened to lots of music, rolled around in an all paper room, looked at paintings with Dad…took a dip in one of the fountains and saw Zap Mama!
I went back to work 30 hours a week the Monday after your party…of course this was very very hard. I knew that you would be in loving, caring, safe hands with my cousin Andrea (you will be going there 2 ½ days a week and Ama will take care of you one day…then I’ll be home with you the other day and a half during the week)…ugh, when I write it down, it seems so little. I took the water taxi to work the first day and it was raining which seemed appropriate, because I cried the whole trip…but every day got a little better and Andrea sent home the “Joseph Report”, telling us all the fun things you were doing. Andrea has been teaching you lots of manners...and sign language. Dad says she lights up when you get there in the morning and so do you…you guys have a very special relationship.
In the evenings I try to savor every minute with you…we take baths, sing, read, play…we’ll adjust, but it is hard. You seem to be your ever solid, happy self.
Love, Mama

Year + in review...

The very last post that I made in 2007 was September, the month I went back to work after being home with Joseph for a year...and the blogging stopped. Going back to work has been hard, great, and necessary...but as I read over some of the posts...the letters to Joseph, I felt sad that I don't have that detailed record for the past year and a half that I had for Joseph's first year of life. Over the next few who-knows-when, I'm going to post retro-posts...for the months I missed.

A Saltwater Sandal Day

I realize that this is a completely unceremonious reinstatement of this blog after well over a year of no posts...but here it is....we're off to frolic in our sandals!

Joseph Eats a Watermelon Popsicle