September 14th, 2006
7:05 am
Weighing 9 lbs. 2 oz. and 22 inches long!
Here is the birth story!...not for the faint of heart or those who aren't interested in long birth stories :)
At my prenatal appointment at Week 39, my elevated blood pressure continued to loom as a problem and it was beginning to look likely that we would be having our baby at Group Health as opposed to Home. At this point I was desperate to make a difference in my blood pressure since I wanted to be at Home so badly and decided to go to several days in a row of acupuncture to both work on getting my blood pressure down, as well as induce labor since it was beginning to look like a ‘race’ between baby and blood pressure. With the Wednesday, September 13th due date, I went to acupuncture on the Wednesday, Thursday, and Monday before. I started having ‘bloody show’ after the first appointment. Just after my last acupuncture appointment, I went in to see Suzy, our midwife and also the midwife present for the birth of my younger brother Asa some 30 years ago AND Asa’s son Henry last year. She took my blood pressure…SIGNIFICANTLY lower! She felt strongly that if I had pre-eclampsia, my blood pressure wouldn’t have responded so dramatically to acupuncture. So with the ‘race’ in mind, we decided to ‘sweep the membranes’ of the bag of waters which involves inserting a finger into the cervix (if it’s dilated enough which mine was at that point) and separating the bag of waters from the cervix. We did the same thing again the next day, Tuesday, September 12th.
At about 10 o’clock that Tuesday evening, I started feeling contractions. Frankly, at first, it almost felt like gas pains, but they became more regular (30 mins, then 20 mins, then 10 mins apart) and continued throughout that night. I realized that I should be getting sleep at this point, but the contractions were strong enough to wake me up and I was getting so excited that the labor was beginning, that I slept almost not at all. At 4 am, I realized that I was going to get exhausted if I didn’t get some sleep, so, remembering a birth story from a woman in my prenatal yoga class, I got in the tub and drank a glass of wine to try to slow things down so I could rest. That was a fun memory…sitting in the tub at dawn, candles lit, drinking guilt-free wine and anticipating the birth of our child.
I ended up getting a couple of hours of sleep after that, got up at about 8 am, and called my Mom and left a message for Suzy that early labor had begun, but of course, no rush at that point. She called back and we decided that she would come by that evening to check on me. So, that left me with the day to breathe through the contractions about every 10 minutes, totally manageable, and to hang out with my husband Clay, my Mom, my friend Dana, and eventually my whole family showed up too. We watched a movie, I took more baths, and tried to conserve energy.
The midwives, Suzy, Kate, and Kristin came by at about 7:30 that evening and my contractions had progressed to about every 4 mins. I think though, that I appeared too clear headed and aware to constitute being in active labor or ‘labor land’ as they were calling it. So they decided to sit down to dinner with my family while Clay and I sat in our bedroom together, breathing through the contractions and getting some alone time. After an hour, they checked my cervix and I was at about 3 cm dilated (I can’t remember the cervix position or effacement at that point). I remember Suzy asking me how I was feeling. I told her that I was beginning to feel scared for what was ahead. This had been so long in coming for us (Clay and I had been through several miscarriages before we conceived this baby) that is almost didn’t feel real, even though I was in the throws of labor. I admitted that I was afraid for the baby and that I just wanted to hold it in my arms. Suzy complemented me on being so clear with my thoughts (her complements are powerful things, as they plant seeds of confidence in me, time and time again). She assured me that I would be holding our baby very soon. They decided that they would leave and come back when things got more intense. But as they were leaving, I started having a series of really intense contractions that didn’t seem to have breaks in between, so they decided to stay. I remember laboring on our bed on my back, with all of the incredible women in my life and strong, sweet, supportive Clay surrounding me.
We had created an atmosphere of relaxation and sublime energy in the room with candles and great music. Though the pain was intense, there were people on all sides of me, holding my hands, rubbing my feet or my leg. It was truly that I was enveloped with love. I started using rhythmic breathing and moaning and found that it helped SO much. I was surprised to find though, that where I thought I would find one kind of moan or chant that would take me through the whole labor, I needed to adjust my rhythm and sounds depending on the different feeling contractions. ‘Mmmmma, Mmmmma, Mmmmma’, ‘Oooooh, ooooooh, ooooh’, and ‘I surrender, I surrender’ were a few of the favorites. Later, when things got really hard, I even found that rhythmically pounding on something, my leg, the walls of the shower, etc. was an important way to cope.
In retrospect, I think the exam that I had been given pushed me into more intense contractions, because after about an hour, they started to slow down, MUCH to my chagrin. I didn’t want the break, I wanted everything to keep progressing…I wanted to get to the pushing! Looking back, I think I requested a few too many exams to determine my progress, in some cases it was encouraging, but I asked to be checked at about 10:30 and I was only at 4 cm dilated. I KNOW, I KNOW, all centimeters are not created equal, but I was discouraged that I had only progressed 1 cm in all that time. This is when I started to get very very determined, and a little pissed off.
I asked what I could do to get this going faster and they suggested nipple stimulation and walking. So, that is what I did. The walking, pacing really, intensified everything and my contractions were coming about every 2 mins and lasted a min. I used the lunge a lot during this time, lunging on the dining room chairs. Unfortunately, this is when the back pain also started. I put on my ice pack and Clay massaged my back both of which helped, but it was very intense and somewhat discouraging. I think this went on for about 3 hours, but I was getting pretty unaware of what was going on. I was shifting from wanting to be touched and encouraged, to not wanting to be touched at all. I also labored on top of an exercise ball for a while. At this point I was getting really tired and discouraged and Clay had to really pull me back from feeling so defeated. He told me that I was doing an amazing job and that I was handling this with so much strength and courage. It gave me strength to go on though I felt like it was never going to end.
Suzy suggested at this point that they check me. I was resistant at this point because I felt I couldn’t handle the disappointment if I hadn’t progressed enough. But when they checked, I was 8 cms and fully effaced with a bulging bag of waters. They suggested that it might be a good time to break the water bag. I was so willing to get to the pushing at this point, that I agreed and when they broke it, it really kicked labor into a new place. I stood naked in my room, with my many birth support people around me, laboring through back pain and contractions. At one point I’m told that I put my hands on my hips, stood in the middle of my room and stated, ‘This is OUTRAGEOUS!’. I remember thinking, ‘why didn’t anyone TELL me it would be like this?’…of course, no one can tell you what it is going to be like, and part of the reason why, is that you really do not have a ‘memory’ for pain. A few days after the labor, I can’t remember REALLY what it felt like. Though it is painful, we all know intellectually that it is, nothing compares to this work, it is the work of women, and I do think it prepares you in some way for motherhood…a rite of passage like no other. My friends and family told me that I labored like a warrior…what a complement to receive. A warrior is courageous, powerful, determined, and strong, and though I didn’t always feel that way at the time, I like to think back and know that I was those things.
I lost track of time and space at this point…I have no idea how much time elapsed between being at 8cms and the breaking of the waters and when I asked to be checked again (there’s my analytic side wanting to be checked). I think they were hesitant to check me, but when they did, I was still at 8 cms…’SHIT!’ is what I said. I just wanted to push! A few more contractions later, Suzy told me that I might soon begin to feel the urge to push. Though I was discouraged that I was only at 8 cms, I felt heartened by these words, and soon I asked, ‘Can I start pushing now?’ ‘If you feel like it, go ahead’ was the response. I still don’t know if I was actually at 10 cms or if I pushed through the rest of the dilation, but I started to push. It felt SO much better than contractions! Of course I was still having contractions to push with, but the action of pushing shifted the focus so much. I went for broke. I pushed with all my heart and strength. Then I felt like I was pooping. I think, in fact, I was pooping. So I labored on the toilet for a bit. I think I was making such fast progress, that Kate came in and wanted me to go back to the bed. I pushed and pushed and I reached down and felt the head, still a finger knuckle’s length inside me. I knew I was doing great. ‘Rim of Fire’?…I literally said’ BRING IT ON’. I pushed through that and the head was out. I thought that I might have a moment to breathe after the head was born, but the baby had twisted around down the birth canal (after being ‘sunny side up’, hence the intense back pain we think), and the midwives wanted the body out fast, so they asked me to push hard right away and the body came out, apparently the shoulder was ‘sticky’ or just slightly hung up on my pelvic bone. I had pushed this baby out in 40 minutes. It seemed more like 10 or 20 minutes to me.
They put my baby up on my chest immediately. I couldn’t believe that this little body was out and here with us. I remember saying ‘what is it?’ …’It’s a boy isn’t it? And indeed, it is a boy! I held him to my chest and Clay was close to us, just gasping at how beautiful the whole thing was.
As this was happening, and the reason why the midwives were focused elsewhere, was that I was bleeding rather a lot. Apparently, the placenta was huge, to support this 9lb 2 oz. baby, and as it separated from the uterus, it left a large wound. The midwives were quick and I was given two pitocin shots and some pills to make my uterus contract. This worked well and I birthed the placenta quickly. I’d torn a bit when the body came out, so I had to have a few stitches, which haven’t ever really hurt and have healed well.
Joseph Ladd was in the world, bursting on the scene at 7:05 am on Thursday, September 14th, and filling us with awe, gratitude, an ineffable love. I can’t believe our good fortune at the opportunity to have our baby at Home. The comfort and love that was present was invaluable and I always felt perfectly safe and cared for completely.
We wanted to wait until we had some time alone with our new baby before naming him. We had several choices picked out...all really lovely names. The morning after our first night with him...we all woke up together in a sun-drenched room. We stayed in bed snuggling and Clay looked over at me and said...I think he's Joseph Ladd. I smiled and agreed, feeling a warmth over the realization. I called my darling friend Allison in New York and told her first...I wish she could have been with me during this time, so I wanted to tell her his name before anyone.
Thirty years ago, when my brother Asa was born, I wanted them to name him Joseph. I was in pre-school at the time at Sun Bow School. There was a boy there who I thought was very nice. I remember that he was very polite and kind, qualities not often found in a 4 year old boy. I hoped my new brother would be like him. As it turned out, I was allowed to choose my new brother's middle name, hence, Asa Joseph. Later, my dog became Seamus Joseph. Something about the strong simplicity of it sounds like music to me. I have no idea where the original Joseph in my life ended up, but this name has threaded its way through my life so strongly, that I shouldn't be surprised that my son is Joseph.
